My Personal Paradise

by: Anonymous

As I sit here and listen to the slow thumping of the train as it travels over the tracks, once again, in spite of all my best efforts, my mind is drawn inexorably to what's ahead of me and to where I'm going. I try to think of different things, to distract myself by studying, reading my book, or looking out the window. The effort is useless, because all I can think about is being in her power again. I have learned not to try to guess what will happen but instead to give control to her. Whether she is gentle or cruel does not matter to me as long as she is pleased. I feel my back start to tighten, craving the feeling of her wielding her leather or her canes. The intercom comes on and I hear my stop. I exit the train and walk out and climb into a cab. I become more nervous the closer I get to her. The cab driver turns the wrong way and I have to correct him. It is strange, as this never happened at first, but now it happens nearly every time I go to see her. In spite of the fact that I know it is almost certainly coincidence, sometimes I wonder if she is behind it. I could almost believe that her power and influence could reach that far....

I arrive at the house and start to go up the path. On days like today when it's warm outside, there are ants crawling around the gate latch. Still seeing her influence everywhere, they look to me like souls that could not leave her... Up on the porch, I reach the door and ring the doorbell. My sense of time is distorted by my anxious anticipation, and I can't tell if I have been waiting for the long minutes this seems to be. Perhaps I didn't push the doorbell hard enough, and I will wait out here so long I will miss my session... Then my worries are proved groundless, as the door is opened and an attractive woman invites me in. Lovely though she is, she's nowhere near as beautiful as my Goddess is, but I'm filled with joy, because I know I am that much nearer to being in Her presence. I'm led to a chair where I sit and wait.

This house is a world unto itself. I look around and realize that rules of the world outside these walls become meaningless each time I cross this threshold. Every time I come here, my world changes. Inside my curtained cubicle, my eye is drawn to the carefully arranged reading materials, and I remember the work in my bag, but I don't pick up a thing. The minute she is in my view I don't want to fumble with anything. I don't want anything to distract me from her. I sit, patient, composing my soul, awaiting her arrival. When I hear her from the other room talking to someone else, I don't listen to the words, but to her lovely voice. I recognize the gorgeous legs that appear under the curtain and I stand up to meet her as she comes around the corner. She hugs me and runs her hands down my back. It is all I can do to simply wrap my arms around her and not melt into her or fall to my knees at her feet, but I know that while she would probably forgive me, she would still consider that forward, and I don't want to disappoint her even the slightest bit.

Happy to be in her presence, I follow her upstairs to the dungeon. She ask if I have fulfilled my assigned task. I nod, and reaching into my bag, hand the object in question to her. She smiles and her lips gently, briefly, touch mine. She takes the thing I gave her and puts it on the counter. I've also brought her a little gift of my own, and my heart swells with pride watching her eyes light up as they take in the small box of dark chocolates, trimmed in purple, her favorite color. I can tell that she is pleased by the attention I have paid to her preferences.

The ritual of beginning of a session: filling out and signing the card; making the donation; and going through the litany of verifying safewords, limits and limitations, calms me. As usual, she tells me to undress and indicates on which chair I should put my neatly folded clothes, and hands me a condom. She exits quickly. She has trained me to know what her expectations are. Once the latex is on and I have sprayed my hands with the disinfectant and then carefully dried them, I face the cross in the middle of the room. I center myself and fall to my knees with my hands behind my back, wrists gently crossed, not clasped, hands high enough to not impede her view of or access to my buttocks... I lose myself in the hypnotic ticking of the clock knowing that any moment my Goddess will arrive and two hours of paradise will begin.

My Goddess knows my body well. She knows how to make it shudder in agony or squirm in rapture. Slowly, session after session, she is progressively erasing the distinctions between those states, so that more and more of what she does to me delights... She becomes more and more part of my dreams. Even when I'm awake there's a part of me that keeps thinking of her. My Goddess' thinking always impresses me. She has a freedom, a knowledge of herself, and a comfort with herself, and she seems to know me. When I'm around her I hope part me will understand myself, too. I don't long to understand her but I feel very lucky that I met her

The door opens. Soft music fills the air, hypnotic. I feel my Goddess approach me from behind. She runs her hands though my hair, then rubs my arms, my naked torso. I feel myself start to shake. She reaches around my chest and grabs my nipples hard while she whispers in my ear, "I control you until I choose to let you go." She knows I belong to her already. She knows I have no doubts about it. She is seducing us both with her voice, her words... She continues to manipulate my body with her soft touch, her strong hands digging into muscle and skin.

She moves away from me, pulling on latex gloves and then reaches down two narrow diameter ropes from the wall. She takes one rope, and, pulling one testicle to the side of my scrotum, wraps loop after carefully aligned loop of rope above it, separating it from the rest of my body, then ties it off, repeating the process for the other testicle and the other length of rope. I know better than to follow her hands with my eyes, so I cannot see exactly what the ends of the ropes do, but they stretch around my body on alternate sides, weaving together in what feel like intricate patterns, before they apparently fasten behind my back. I'm in a great deal of discomfort with my balls getting squeezed into bizarrely sculptural objects by the rope.

My Goddess tells me to crawl to the St. Andrew's cross and stand against it. The motion of crawling is agony like this-- my stretched out balls, sheathed in rope, hang pendulous beneath me, but their side-to-side motion is brought up short at each swing by the ropes stretching them outward. As I stand, I stretch my arms upward, wrapping them around the wood of the X as high as I can reach. I am relieved to realize that she has planned a small mercy for me--my tortured balls are below the point at which the legs of the cross come together, and therefore I do not have to feel them crushed between my body and the unforgiving wood I lean against. She drapes bundled ropes around my neck, then slowly laces my legs to the legs of the cross. Moment by moment, the ropes get more restrictive as they crawl upward from my ankles to my groin. There is no discomfort, just the realization that her ropes are gradually immobilizing me. I am being swallowed up, slowly, incrementally, by her creation, and the feeling is one of bliss. Somehow the bondage is not an inanimate thing. I can almost see it in my mind's eye as a giant snake that is stretching its jaw wide and ingesting me at her command. Maybe the Middle Eastern tones of the Loreena McKennitt CD she is playing are triggering this image of her as a snake charmer... The ropes cinch snugly around my waist. I expect her to tie my arms up, but to my surprise, she runs her now ungloved hands firmly along them, and then leaves them free.

After a moment, I feel her pelvis pressing in to my behind. She says softly in my ear, "I love to see you helpless at my hands." Then she takes a bandanna she has folded and covers my eyes, wrapping it around my head and tying it there. She continues to touch me softly making sure my skin is sensitive and aroused. Whatever she's planning, I will feel it all.

My Goddess walks away from me and I hear the door open and close. Within the blindfold I can't tell if she is there or not. I don't know how long I wait until I hear the door open again, and then feel her move to the front of my body. I can feel the warmth of her skin inches away from me just on the other side of the cross. She tells me she going to remove the blindfold and orders me to keep looking forward. When she removes it, her face is suddenly close to mine, directly in front of me. She places her strong hands on the side of my face and stares deep into my eyes, smiling wickedly. I've forgotten that my hands are not restrained until she tells me to wrap my arms around her back and hold on to her.

Suddenly I know for certain that we are not alone, as the air is split with a crack that echoes like a gunshot in the room. I am thankful for the bondage, so that I do not run the risk of dishonoring myself, or her, by trying to jump away. My Goddess smiles into my eyes and says, "Yes, you know what that means, don't you? When she cracks that, it means that the tip has broken the sound barrier. It is traveling faster than the speed of sound..." I shudder against her, not sure if I am terrified, or aroused, or both... My Goddess had spoken months ago of asking her friend Lady Peregrine to use one of her singletail whips on me, but I thought somehow that I would have more warning. I try to move my head but my Goddess keeps it in place, her green eyes locked with mine

I expect the whip to bite viciously into my skin, but instead I can barely feel the first impacts. I am not certain that Lady Peregrine's singletail is actually even touching my back, as these feel more like tiny puffs of air. As I stare into my Goddessë eyes, the puffs become breezes, and then the downy light touch of the silky threads of the whip's cracker. I can't quite tell when the edge is crossed, and her strokes begin to connect with my skin. The whip strokes are nothing like what I had expected. The singletail is alive in her hands, and it kisses at my back, gently, seductively caressing. Slowly the intensity increases, moving oh, so, gradually, into pain. The butterfly kiss whip strokes become gentle nips, become bites. This is different from the massage and thud of my Goddess's floggers or of the high clear notes of her beloved canes. My back is slowly being electrified; the skin abraded off. Each separate impact seems to inject me with something-- endorphins, hydrogen, liquid fire... The music is a flying carpet, carrying the three of us. Lady Peregrine is dancing to it, weaving the notes together, punctuating them with whip cracks... . Each stroke she throws seems to be pure energy, and I feel that energy punch through me as though her whip was braided of lightning rather than kangaroo hide...

My Goddess, as always, seems to know just how the pain feels to me, and today she and Lady Peregrine seem to be in communication, although I can't imagine how. I close my eyes, forgetting myself for a moment, and my Goddess' voice demands, "Look at me; I want to see all the pain!" The whip keeps tearing into flesh. I forget about my body and only know two things exist at this moment: the pain in my back and my Goddess' lovely face. She holds me on the cusp of sensation, balanced, taking all I can for her. Eventually, I realize that Lady Peregrine is reducing the intensity, slowly bringing the three of us back to earth. My Goddess raises her head and nods, then puts the blindfold back over my eyes. I am alone inside the darkness of my eyelids with only the memory of her face before me. I lean against the cross, shaking, grateful for the ropes holding me up, but in my imagination I make an icon of her remembered image and prostrate myself before it. An unfamiliar low voice thanks my Goddess, a finger strokes down my spine, and I hear the door open and close

I lean there against the cross and hear my Goddess move around the room. She feeds me a sip of water, and then gently removes the blindfold. She says, "Peregrine does well as another pair of hands for me, but now I would much rather hurt you myself." I see her glance at the chair in the corner that holds my clothes. She gives me a devilish grin and walks over and pulls the belt off of my pants. She walks behind me and starts to rub my behind. In a playfully evil tone, she says, "There's still a fresh place to mark, and this seems like an appropriately... intimate tool to use next, don't you think? I want you to thank me after each smack." I feel her hand move away and then the folded leather belt lighting on my ass.

My gratitude is sincere as I thank her.

She must have hit me more than thirty times with my belt, then she asks gently, "Can you take ten more for me?"

I can hear my voice breaking as I reply, "Yes, Ma'am, thank you." She starts to massage my sore buttocks, and I relax into her touch. The moment she moves her hand I feel the pain of the leather burn though my body. She kept this up until I have received all ten, and I thank her for them all

Considering how slowly the ropes went on, they seem to come off like magic under her hands, and it seems no time at all before she has moved me away from the cross and moved the head of the sheet-draped table up against it. I follow her orders, and arrange myself upon it on my back. I can feel how raw my back and butt are. Strange to think that the pressure on my testicles is agonizing, now, when moments ago, I had all but forgotten it. My Goddess sees my discomfort and asks solicitously, "Are you in pain, Boy?"

I say, "Yes, Ma'am"

She laughs and says "Good!"

My Goddess attaches my ankles to the ceiling with leather and chains, and then pulls me to the very edge of the table. My legs are spread wide, with my ass hanging in the air ready for her assault. She stretches my arms across my chest and secures them under the table. Then she pick up her harness and a long narrow dildo and in a playful, storybook voice says "Too thin!" She picks up a short and fat dildo and in the same voice says, "Too short!" Then she picks up a dildo as long as the first one and as fat as the second one and with a charming smile says "Juuuuuust right!" I am a little intimidated by the dildo's dimensions, but I can't help but laugh at her game. With her blonde hair all in curls, she does look just slightly like a very twisted and very, very grown-up Goldilocks... She starts to put on her harness and cock with me watching. I don't know if I'm supposed to watch or to look away, but I feel safe in the knowledge that if I am doing anything wrong she'll correct me

My Goddess' cock is secure and waiting to probe me. She arranges herself between my legs and uses the fingers of one gloved hand to stretch me out and push lube into me. She runs the other over my sore ass which is offered towards her. She places her cock at my entrance and slowly pushes in. My insides almost hurt from the stretching her big cock is causing, but the pain feels so good to me I want her to keep going. Too soon I feel her stop and in a sweet voice she says, "I'm in all the way". She pulls off the gloves and starts to push in and out of me, slowly, rhythmically. I feel her power in me, and it drives me further into lust. I love it when she's fucking me with her strap-on and her hands run up and down my body. I'm on the edge of an orgasm but with the ropes so tightly on my balls the pressure just keep building up. My body starts spasming, and I am begging her for permission to release. My Goddess just keeps ramming me harder and harder, angling her dildo so that it claims more and more of my hungry channel. All the while, she is telling me that I'm hers to do with as she pleases and telling me to feel her inside myself, deeper and deeper. She has me begging her to release the bondage on my testicles and give me permission to cum. Finally with a couple of quick movements, she removes the ropes imprisoning my testicles and says, "Cum for me! It's my orgasm and I want it now!" With that, I feel every muscle contract. My spinal cord aches and I release the full power of my orgasm.

I still feel her moving in and out of me slowly. She gazes down at me, waiting, and I know want she wants. Exhaustedly, I gasp out, "Thank you, Ma'am." She smiles and slowly withdraws her cock, removing her harness. She walks over to the counter and picks up the butt plug that I was ordered to bring. She's already stretched a condom over it, and she slowly inserts it. After the size of her dildo, it slips in easily, and she strips the gloves off again.

"You picked a good one," she says, walking around to the side of the table. "Wide enough flange at the base so you won't lose it in, and big enough that I don't have to worry that it will fall out easily." She mounts the table, straddling my abdomen. As she settles herself comfortably on my belly, she says "You will keep the plug in place until you get to your apartment and write about how it felt to wear it on the BART ride home. Remember, though, you don't take it out until I reply to your e-mail and give you permission to do so..." Musingly, she adds, "Better hope I'm in the mood to get online tonight, Boy..."

I know that even if I want to I'll never forget the control she has on me. I say "Yes, Ma'am. Thank you, Ma'am." As she stretches against me and holds me, I feel the last of my strength go. I feel at peace, happy, exhausted, and blessed to have met someone like my Goddess, Mistress Tatiana.

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